It's been there for you and I to see for years. One of the greatest profit making ventures in corporate history. Sitting there watching AMC it hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately sprung into action and called my attorneys and bankers. As an entrepreneur and capitalist I have already set up a company that will make myself and my stockholders rich beyond imagination. It will provide its employees with a tremendous living as well. From a cultural point of view my company will be groundbreaking in its scope. And it is all possible now because of our great Supreme Court. They finally tore down the common law (and common sense) separating persons from corporations. Now I am going to do what once was considered fantasy, but is now very doable, and very very profitable.
My corporation is going to be the first in the world to officially adopt a child. I am going to name my child after the President that started this march to corporatization, Reagan. And unlike the Truman Show, my child, my baby, my star will be raised in the real world surrounded by only a small camera crew. As the CEO I will be the ideal father having raised several non-corporate owned children already. Best of everything will be provided to our asset. Privately owned schools, corporate sponsorship vacations around the globe, finest clothes, cool urban studio housing. My corporation will have as mother the secretary. Uncles and aunts are the vice president and treasurer (always nice to have an uncle with the money). Sgt. at Arms will administer discipline. I haven't figured out what happens to our nuclear family when officers are switched but with the divorce rate in America my child would just be getting the normal experience of our youth. Stockholders? naturally...the cousins! It's amazing how much a corporation already looks like a real family!!
And now to the business. I have identified three main revenue sources which should grow my company into a publicly traded powerhouse. Media revenue? Billions of dollars over the life of the asset. Since we all know that once we adopt our baby that corporate Amercia will stampede to get a part of this new industry, I have already filed the papers with the US Patent Office to protect our proprietary corporate asset. We will of course license this to corporate America and beyond for billions of dollars. And when corporate America gets firmly entrenched in this burgeoning industry we will go to Wall Street and establish our own exchange whereby we trade assets or merge and grow our companies/families. And how about the capitalization possibilities of going public by selling preferred shares to become a first cousin instead of the one where you really can't figure out how you're related?
Think of the benefits to business. Ford could actually name its child Ford, just like the rest of the family. Gerber Baby Food would finally own its image, literally (I went to college with the Gerber Baby who was there on his royalties, so I know). Nike might adopt a young protege golf player, and perhaps keep him from personally imploding. And the beer companies could, oh wait, that one won't work (note to self, need to turn that one over to the attorneys to figure out). Wall Street? they'll game the system, artificially inseminate Angelina with Rush's sperm, and finally give Jon Voight that Republican offspring he wished he had. Toy companies?...don't get me started!
Now I know some of you might have a problem with my corporation adopting a child but you are SOL. Try undoing what the Supreme Court has done. Reversing such entrenched law that has stood for decades is like turning an aircraft carrier on a dime. You think you can get them to turn back? No way. Corporate America owns almost all. And when my corporation adopts my child, corporate America will finally own what it has been striving for...you. Don't fault me for making a profit. After all, this is just business. Look for my IPO soon..